Eris tosses a golden apple among Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite, and they immediately start fighting over it, causing the typical amounts of destruction that happens when gods fight each other.
why do they want the golden apple? golden apples are rare and extremely difficult to obtain. also, a golden apple might contain golden apple seeds from which more golden apple trees could be grown. (Demeter enthusiastically dispenses god-level gardening advice about growing such an interesting plant.)
several googol destroyed universes later, Paris points out that the apple is inscribed "to The Fairest", which the goddesses had not noticed. oops. (but, they reason, along with the golden apple, Eris probably threw Idiot Balls at all of us, as she normally does, so stupidity was to be expected. fortunately, nothing of value had been lost in the war.)
they stop fighting and deliver the golden apple to the nymph literally named "The Fairest" -- Callisto -- then tease Eris for having a crush on a nymph. and maybe something about bear-fucking.
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