we set up some common chess openings, direct one side to play the worst moves according to MultiPV of the Stockfish chess engine and the other side to play the best moves according to Stockfish, and watch hilarity ensue.
Stockfish 16-1 (Debian sid; NB: this is Stockfish 16 not 16.1; the -1 is Debian versioning), hash 4096M, depth 24, no multithreading, 5 piece syzygy endgame tablebase. multipv set to 400 to find the worst move; multipv disabled when finding the best move. engine restarted (Hash cleared) between each move. there are (probably) instances of multiple possible moves with the same (terrible) evaluation score; we choose whichever Stockfish MultiPV chooses to sort as last.
in each game below, the side which gets checkmated is unsurprisingly the side playing worst moves, and the other side is playing best moves. even though these are all quick checkmates, they are not helpmates: the side playing good moves does not know the other side will be playing bad moves so plays best moves preparing the the best response.
(future work: helpmates after common openings.)
many variations of Fool's Mate, Botez Gambit, and Bongcloud happen. the computer knows the memes.
no opening moves, white playing worst moves:
1.g4 d5 2.f4 Bxg4 3.e3 Bxd1 4.Bc4 dxc4 5.a3 Qd5 6.Ne2 Qxh1+ 7.Ng1 Qxg1#
the next opening is hilariously classified by Scid as ECO code B00b [Reversed Grob (Borg/Basman Defence)]. no opening moves, white playing best moves, black playing worst moves:
1.e4 g5 2.d4 f5 3.Qh5#
1.e4 {end of scripted opening} e5 2.Ba6 Nxa6 3.g4 d5 4.f4 Qh4+ 5.Ke2 Bxg4+ 6.Ke3 exf4+ 7.Kd4 Qf2+ 8.Kxd5 Qc5#
1.e4 e5 {end of opening} 2.Nf3 Qg5 3.Nxg5 Kd8 4.Nxf7+ Ke8 5.Nxh8 h5 6.Qxh5+ Ke7 7.Qxe5+ Kd8 8.Nf7#
1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 {end of opening} Nc6 3.Nd4 exd4 4.Ba6 bxa6 5.Ke2 Rb8 6.Kd3 Qh4 7.Kc4 d5+ 8.Kd3 Qxe4#
1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 {end of opening} 3.Bb5 Qg5 4.Nxg5 Kd8 5.Nxf7+ Ke8 6.Nxh8 h5 7.Qxh5+ g6 8.Qxg6+ Kd8 9.Qxg8 Rb8 10.Qxf8#
1.e4 c5 {end of opening} 2.Ba6 Nxa6 3.g4 d5 4.Ke2 dxe4 5.f4 Bxg4+ 6.Ke3 Qd4#
1.e4 c5 {end of opening} 2.Nf3 c4 3.Bxc4 h6 4.Bxf7+ Kxf7 5.Ne5+ Ke8 6.Qh5+ g6 7.Qxg6#
1.e4 e6 {end of opening} 2.Ba6 Nxa6 3.b4 Nxb4 4.Qg4 Nxc2+ 5.Ke2 Nxa1 6.Qg5 Qxg5 7.Kd3 Qb5+ 8.Kd4 Bc5+ 9.Ke5 Be3#
1.e4 e6 {end of opening} 2.d4 Qg5 3.Bxg5 Ba3 4.Nxa3 c5 5.Nb5 g6 6.Nd6+ Kf8 7.Qf3 Kg7 8.Qxf7#
1.e4 e6 2.d4 {end of opening} d5 3.Bh6 Nxh6 4.Qg4 Nxg4 5.Kd1 Nxf2+ 6.Ke1 Nxh1 7.h4 Qxh4+ 8.Ke2 Qf2+ 9.Kd3 Qe1 10.b4 Nf2#
1.e4 c6 {end of opening} 2.Ba6 Nxa6 3.Qg4 d5 4.c4 Bxg4 5.f4 Nb4 6.h3 Nd3+ 7.Kf1 Qb6 8.g3 Qf2#
1.e4 c6 {end of opening} 2.d4 g5 3.Bxg5 f5 4.Qh5#
1.e4 c6 2.d4 {end of opening} d5 3.Qg4 Bxg4 4.Bh6 Nxh6 5.Kd2 dxe4 6.c4 Qxd4+ 7.Ke1 Qd1#
1.e4 d6 {end of opening} 2.Qg4 Bxg4 3.Ba6 Nxa6 4.c4 Nb4 5.e5 dxe5 6.Kf1 Qd3+ 7.Ke1 Nc2#
1.e4 d6 {end of opening} 2.d4 Bh3 3.Nxh3 f5 4.exf5 Kf7 5.Qh5+ Kf6 6.Bg5+ Kxf5 7.Qf7+ Kg4 8.f3#
1.e4 d6 2.d4 {end of opening} Nf6 3.Qg4 Bxg4 4.Ba6 Nxa6 5.Bh6 gxh6 6.b4 Nxb4 7.Kd2 Nxe4+ 8.Ke1 Nxc2+ 9.Kf1 Qd7 10.Nd2 Nxd2#
1.e4 d6 2.d4 Nf6 {end of opening} 3.Nc3 Bh3 4.Nxh3 Nd5 5.Nxd5 f5 6.exf5 Nd7 7.Qh5+ g6 8.fxg6 Rc8 9.gxh7#
1.e4 g6 {end of opening} 2.Qh5 gxh5 3.Ba6 Nxa6 4.c3 Nc5 5.a3 Nd3+ 6.Kd1 d5 7.exd5 Qxd5 8.Ne2 Qb3#
1.e4 g6 {end of opening} 2.d4 g5 3.Bxg5 f5 4.Qh5#
1.e4 g6 2.d4 {end of opening} Bg7 3.Qh5 gxh5 4.Bh6 Nxh6 5.d5 Bxb2 6.Nc3 Bxc3+ 7.Ke2 Bxa1 8.Kd3 c6 9.Kc4 Qa5 10.c3 Qxc3#
1.d4 {end of opening} g5 2.Bxg5 e6 3.Bxd8 Nf6 4.Bxf6 Ba3 5.Nxa3 O-O 6.e3 e5 7.Qg4#
Trompowsky but worse:
1.d4 {end of opening} Nf6 2.Bh6 gxh6 3.Kd2 c5 4.Kc3 Ne4+ 5.Kb3 Qb6+ 6.Ka3 Qb4#
1.d4 Nf6 {end of opening} 2.c4 Nd5 3.cxd5 Nc6 4.dxc6 f5 5.Nf3 Kf7 6.cxd7 Kg8 7.Qb3+ e6 8.Qxe6#
1.d4 d5 {end of opening} 2.Bh6 Nxh6 3.Kd2 c5 4.Kc3 Qa5+ 5.Kb3 c4#
1.d4 d5 {end of opening} 2.c4 Bh3 3.Nxh3 Kd7 4.cxd5 Nc6 5.dxc6+ Ke6 6.Ng5+ Kf5 7.Qd3+ Kg4 8.Qh3#
1.Nf3 {end of opening} g5 2.Nxg5 f6 3.e4 f5 4.Qh5#
1.c4 {end of opening} g5 2.d4 f5 3.Bxg5 e6 4.Bxd8 Bc5 5.dxc5 a6 6.Qd4 Nh6 7.Qxh8+ Ng8 8.Qxg8#
challenge: start from a reasonable position and maximize the number of consecutive worst moves before checkmate.
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